100%

~Originally posted on my tumblr~

I did a a school project for the first time in years. Because this year I have to pass every class or I cant graduate. and Im sortof like doubled up and only have like one elective I can take at the end of the year IF I pass all my other classes. 
But yea I did it. and it honestly depressed the fuck out of me. 
reminded me of why I stopped doing school projects. For some reason it gave me anxiety and mood swings and shit and during certain points I wanted to throw things and at other points I wanted to cry or just lay on the carpet in my living room staring at the ceiling. 
I was so frustrated. Trying to concentrate. 
I got it done though.
I got my grading paper thingy back the other day in Health(wich I NEEED to graduate)  and I got a 100% with a little comment that said I did an outstanding job on it .-.
Why does this depress me?
Is it because I was too umotivated all these past years to try? And knowing now I could in fact done it? 
That half the time Ive been too depressed or distracted or forgetful to even attempt to do homework these past years?
Im genuinely trying this year. And Im so stressed I think im losing more hair then I normally do. Though this is the healthiest my hair has been in a while. not that it wasnt healthy before, just I havent used heat styling on my hair as much as in past years. And I dont really have split ends atm. So there is no reason for my hair  to be falling out because of physical health reasons except for stress.
I think im actually making myself sick. physically and mentally. Ive felt sick yet again the past 2 days. and unmotivated to try and look nice at school. and all I want to do is sleep. Yesterday I couldnt close my eyes for a 2 seconds without accidentally falling asleep. That went on the whole day. yet I had gotten my normal amount of sleep the night before.
I just…
I hope the rest of my school year wont end up like this. I cant go on like this. I need to pass. I WANT to graduate on time.
But my moods have been so effed up lately.
I need to talk to my psychologist about this. 
I wont stop trying in school. but .-.
Im so unhappy right now.
Sorry for the depressing post.
This was kindof meant to be way shorter and for my blogger blog…
but oh well. 
If you read this whole thing thanks for caring to even read it~

I just need to vent really badly.